'The Days of Wine...' And Celebrities!

I'll admit, I'm not the world's foremost authority when it comes to wine. I don't really know my ros� from my rose "b." In my defense, however, I do know a ton about celebrities. Trust me, you don't want to go up against my knowledge in any type of entertainment trivia setting. They don't call me "Rain Man" for nothing! Though, on second thought, that could refer to my penchant for not wearing underwear. Plus, I am an excellent driver.

I thought I'd take a cue from the old NBC public service announcement, "The More You Know," and learn something about wines in the only way that I could comprehend it... by slapping a star's face on the bottle and seeing what sticks.

Take a gander at which celebrities have branched out into these viney endeavors; get ready for the words to flow like so much grape-made liquid.

The very first celebrity name that comes to mind when one thinks of vineyards and the like is director Francis Ford Coppola. In 1975, he began his winemaking venture in Napa Valley and produced his first vintage two years later. The endeavor is a regular family affair, with his wife and kids stomping the grapes -- after all, isn't that why people have kids? Because of the free child labor?

Fast forward to 1995, and Coppola purchased the former Inglenook Winery chateau, paying more for the legendary company trademark than he did for the estate. I guess, they made him a deal he just couldn't refuse. His Inglenook wine is made with organically grown grapes and their Chablis is in the Top 5 of bestselling wines served in restaurants. The Francis Ford Coppola Winery is influenced by Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen, and features memorabilia from his acclaimed films. He has called it "a wine wonderland, a park of pleasure where people of all ages can enjoy all the best things in life; food, wine, music,
dancing, games, swimming and performances of all types." A Disneyland for winos in other words...

Back in 2007, Johnny Depp bought his then-girlfriend Vanessa Paradis a vineyard estate located near St. Tropez, France. He was known to ship his wines to movie sets, such as 2009's Public Enemies, falling in line with his reputation as a Hollywood party boy.

In 2012, Depp and Paradis split and a year later he admitted that he had been sober for a year and a half. Good for you, but bad for business?

Soccer stud David Beckham purchased a Napa Valley winery, for a paltry seven figure sum, to celebrate wife Victoria's birthday this year. Damn, that Spice Girl has everything! They have no plans to mass-produce the wine, choosing to keep it on hand for family and friends. That's probably for the best, as former "Real Housewives" star Bethenny Frankel already named her brand Skinnygirl. What? Vicki looks a little bit like a lollipop. I'm just sayin.'

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are an unstoppable Hollywood commodity, and they have parlayed their Midas touch into the wine business. They recently released their first vintage ros�, from their $60 million estate in Provence, to rave reviews. Being of the savvy type, they offer a great loyalty program for drinkers of their Jolie-Pitt & Perrin C�te de Provence Ros� Miraval -- buy a case of wine, get a kid for free. Oh, no I didn't!

Sting has a new "Message in a Bottle" vino to complete his other trifecta of wines, Tenuta Il Palagio Casino delle Vie 2009, Tenuta Il Palagio When We Dance 2010 and Tenuta Palagio Il Sister Moon 2008.

What? No Tenuta Il Palagio Zenyatta Mondatta? Missed opportunity there, Mr. Sting.

In 1999, the singer and his wife, Trudie Styler, purchased an estate in disrepair in Tuscany, Italy and transformed it into a successful winery.

Most people forget, or never knew, that Madonna actually has a last name -- and that it's Ciccone. Or that they can pop a cork from a bottle made at her Ciccone Vineyard & Winery to edify themselves.

The business is a venture between the "Material Girl" and her "Papa Don't Preach," Tony Ciccone, based out of Leelanau Peninsula, Michigan. It is situated on 14 acres, producing a variety of wines, ranging from Pinot Noir to Cabernet Sauvignon. The enterprise, is a real family affair; Madonna's stepmother Joan acts as co-owner, her brother Mario, the operations manager and her sister Paula is the wine production manager. Way to keep it together and all in the family, MDNA.

Madonna's "Evita" co-star, Antonio Banderas, is also in the grape game. He introduced a line of Spanish wines in 2009 under the name of Anta Banderas. Hopefully, the winemaking procedure doesn't involve straining grapes through ex-wife Melanie Griffith's excess skin from her facelifts, in lieu of the standard cheesecloth for the process.

Since 1983, Olivia Newton-John's Koala Blue brand of wines offers its drinkers "a taste of Australia." But, be careful, too many sips of Australia could result in becoming slutty "Sandy."

Former "Full House" star Candace Cameronand her hubby, Valeri Bure, are the makers of Bure Family Wines. Since Cameron is a devout Christian, one can't help but wonder if they can actually transmute water into wine.

It's not a secret that "Real Housewives of New York City" staple Ramona Singer is no stranger to Pinot Grigio and what she refers to as"Turtle Time," in relation to her love of the grape. It should come as
no surprise that she started her own label, Ramona Pinot Grigio. Look for her new Syrah, Crazy Eyes, in the coming year.

Former "Sex and the City" cast member Kyle MacLachlan has a Cabernet blend called Pursued by Bear, which is based out of Walla Walla, Washington. With the recent news regarding the return of the hit cult show, "Twin Peaks," to Showtime in 2016, and his recent hint on Twitter of his possible return as agent Dale Cooper, perhaps it's time to replace his character's love for a cup of "damn fine coffee," in favor of a glass of "damn fine wine."

An added bonus; if director David Lynch features more backwards talking dwarves on the new edition, perhaps drinking MacLachlan's wine will help to make sense of it.

HOLLYWOOD AND VINE

Since the winemaking business has become such a lucrative side gig, I'm really surprised that more celebrities who have had "alcohol-related offense" run-ins with the law haven't jumped on this particular bandwagon. I mean, who wouldn't want to wash down a delicious meal with Nick Nolte's "Mug Shot Merlot" or Mel Gibson's "Sugar T**ts Chardonnay?"

There you have it: A way to impress your friends at your next Academy Awards bash. Bust out a vino produced by any of the aforementioned celebrities.

Well, boys and girls, I feel like I learned something here today and much like a grape on the vine... that's one to grow on.