Christian Pundit Warns Marriage Equality Will Lead to Licenses to Wed Robots and Stuffed Animals

Good news plushies and robot lovers everywhere!

Ever since the concept of marriage equality was raised, the right wing intelligentsia has seized the issue to add fear to the faithful, warning that it will lead to polygamy, incest, pedophilia and bestiality. On Wednesday, a self-described "recovering pundit" added robots and stuffed animals to the mix.

Writing for the Christian Post on the subject of Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis, whom she sees as being "unjustly" jailed for repeatedly defying several court orders to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, guest contributor Susan Stamper Brown, in an attempt to be facetious, warned that equal marriage rights might someday lead to legalized unions between humans and stuffed animals or robots.

"So which law, exactly, authorizes Ms. Davis to issue marriage licenses to homosexual couples?" Writes Brown. "Might the same un-law someday authorize her to issue marriage licenses between stuffed animals and humans? Or robots?"

All of this, of course, is good news for the plushie community.

"Bleep zot karreeeek dip seem bloop," said an ecstatic R2D2 of the popular "Star Wars" franchise. "Zurrrrr eep!" he added.

Susan Stamper Brown is an Alaskan resident and recovering political pundit who does her best to make sense of current day events using her faith.