Media Mogul Barry Diller Finally Said It, Without Saying It

Media mogul Barry Diller took a long time to come out... a very long time. The 83-year-old billionaire, who is presently the chairman and senior executive of IAC and Expedia Group, did so in an essay published in New York Magazine that is excerpted from his upcoming autobiography "Who Knew" (to be published by Simon & Schuster).

And he does so with a loving ode to his wife Diane von Fürstenberg, whom he has known for 50 years and married in 2001. "While there have been a good many men in my life, there has only ever been one woman," Diller said.

But, as the New York Times pointed out, being in the closet took its personal toll. "Mr. Diller also writes of a quiet suffering he felt by hiding his sexuality, and a fear of exposure that 'stunted any chance of my having a fulfilling personal life,'" the Times said.

Diller added that he "had discovered I could separate myself from anything painful or terrifying by just locking it away, putting it into a distant box and having to deal with it hopefully never."

Curiously, in the 4500-word essay, he doesn't mention the word "gay" once. Instead he uses terms like "there have been a good many men in life" and describes Fire Island as "a place that was all guys, all the time" (which he detested). The only ghetto he knew as a "rich one" and this entitled enclave didn't measure up to his expectations, and he made a hasty retreat at 5 a.m. on a water ferry rather than go home with his host after partying at a dance club. "All I thought about while I was avoiding the popper-soaked dancers surrounding me was that all too soon I would be going back to the house of a person I hardly knew and was growing to dislike as he pushed ever closer on the dance floor," Diller wrote.

Raised in Beverly Hills, Diller's first queer sexual encounters "came during his teenage years 'cruising in West Hollywood, darting in and out of side doors of bars along Melrose Avenue.'"

He was extraordinarily private about his sex life. "I never discussed my personal life, lowlight as it was, with anyone," Diller wrote, saying he "never wanted to make any declarations."

"So many of us at that time were in this exiled state, so stunted in the way we lived," he said, adding that he "hated having to live a pretend life."

At that time, he came up with a list of guidelines regarding this part of his life, such as: "I wouldn't do a single thing to make anyone believe I was living a heterosexual life," he said. "I wouldn't tell, and I wouldn't allow myself to be asked." In terms of public outings, he "never bring a man as a date to a heterosexual event – not that there were many guys I was serious enough about to bring." Nor, though, would he "bring a woman as a 'beard,' either."

These rules, he said, "were simply the minimum conditions of my conduct, and I recognize it now as the opposite of courage."

"Compartmentalizing these unwanted feelings became so successful that it has both ruled and riled my life ever since," he said of his sexuality. "Even though as the years went on I began to be realistic and understood that 'everyone knows,' I never wanted to make any declarations."

But the bulk of his essay isn't about his queer experiences, or how well he appointed the closet he so carefully lived in; rather it is the story of his 50-year relationship with von Fürstenberg with a lot of name-dropping and descriptions of the social whirl of the 1%.

The Independent wrote that "Diller explained that he hid his relationship with von Fürstenberg from the public at the start because he couldn't define it for them. Instead, he let the world find out on their own, which inevitably came as von Fürstenberg launched her eponymous fashion line, which propelled the popularity of wrap dresses and solidified them as a sartorial statement of power for women."

As the relationship grew, Diller faced another big hurdle: "Why was I so emotionally unprepared for intimacy?" he questioned.

"I didn't just want her, I needed her," he said of his wife. "And that banged hard into my built-up self-protections."

Diller continued: "I've lived for decades reading about Diane and me: about us being best friends rather than lovers. We weren't just friends. We aren't just friends. Plain and simple, it was an explosion of passion that kept up for years."

"And, yes, I also liked guys, but that was not a conflict with my love for Diane," he said.

The New York Times reached out to von Fürstenberg in Venice for comment. She said that she doesn't see Diller's announcement as a "coming out," but rather as Diller simply telling the truth.

"All I can tell you is Barry and I have had an incredible life, love for 50 years," she said. "We have been lovers, friends, married, everything. And, you know, for me, the secret to honor life, and to honor love, is never to lie."

"Today, he opened to the world," she added. "To me, he opened 50 years ago."

"He's been private all his life, but not with me," she said. "So for me, it doesn't feel strange."

"Who Knew" is set for publication on May 20.